Welcome to parenthood. There are many books with instructions on how to raise children. Theorists, like Sigmund Freud, describe the oral stage infants go through, where pleasure is derived from objects entering the mouth. I see an obsession in this area defined as an oral fixation. It can show up in adulthood, as well as infancy.
The consequences and implications go far beyond placing items in one’s mouth. Infants often lick and suck food, drinks, jewelry, toys, or dirt on the floor. Children experiment with tactile objects in an effort to gain sensory information. What does this taste like? How does it feel? It is not simply advancement in explicitly sexual terms. It goes much further. What I think it measures up to is the important distinction between the external world and what children internalize.
When we grow up, we realize people have agendas. We can’t swallow every message whole. How do we train our children to be mindful of what they digest?
Through dialogue, role modeling, and conversation, parents can instill wisdom in their children. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. What happens, of course, when you have no teeth? You need appropriate messaging, maybe even something mushy. One day a child will grow up to take in bite-sized knowledge that is not overly sentimental, but in the beginning, it’s better to be soft and tender. Children cry easily. Let them learn about their emotions through delicate, age-appropriate lessons.
When boys want to wear dresses and girls want to wear pants, it may be that they are reacting to gender coding. They need guidance in learning to express themselves. When the LGBTQIA community comes in and redefines boundaries and expectations, we don’t have to internalize the messaging. Though what comes out of your mouth (i.e., each word) is more important than what goes into your mouth (e.g., food), according to Jesus (see Matthew 15:11), the things you say are based on the mental programming you accept. So, once again, do not overly internalize worldly propaganda. Instead, feed on the Word of God. Let your soul be nourished by sacred Scripture. You don’t have to regurgitate what you’ve been force fed. Make calculated calls. Trust your intuition. Childhood is a brief time, but the ramifications last well into adulthood. “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
It’s not okay to eat dirt. It’s not okay to partake of filth. There is a difference between clean and unclean. It’s not simply relegated to food and drink. It has to do with what we take in - what we internalize - in terms of social mores, customs, and culture.
Parents must take the reins in childrearing or children will fall prey to misinformation and fail at life. Be patient and kind! We all have a lot to learn and unlearn. Whether we’re deprogramming lessons we learned from bullies on the playground or from images in magazines, we can all stand to improve in areas of communication. Our mouths are gateways for material to enter our being. Be conscious of what you allow in, because it will determine what comes out. Are you a vile factory or are you a pure fountain? My wish is that your heart is pure, so your words and actions are pure, too.
My hope is that parents realize what an important role they play in terms of raising children. Families require time, effort, and dedication. There aren’t always thank yous attached for childrearing, but believe me, your love makes a huge difference in the life of a child. It’s not just behavior modification; it’s the outpouring of blessings, which are immeasurable. A thank you is not always spoken, but gratitude can be shown through a life well-led. Parents, listen to your children and observe the way they behave. It is a reflection of you. It is a reflection of God. Parents, be a proper influence, be leaders in the home. Make an investment in your children. They are your responsibility.
Let your children internalize truth and wisdom, not false speech or lies. Teach them what they do matters. You can raise history-makers, people with vision. You can raise people who know how and whom to trust. Justice begins in the home. It begins with us. We are one human family - beautiful and beloved.
- Yerusalem Work
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