“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” - Maya Angelou.
I am writing this note, because I want to be released from the agony of an untold story.
Why do we fear telling our stories? Are we ashamed? Will people judge or mistreat us as a result of our opening up? Will we tarnish our image or sully our reputation if we speak up? Are we embarrassed to show our true selves?
Today, I encourage you to tell the truth about yourself or write fiction that embraces vulnerability. Talk about the human experience, because someone will be able to relate, and you will liberate a soul from fear.
Our lives vanish, like passing clouds. We’ll leave our tears behind. One day, the sun will set. What will be left of us? The stories we leave behind may last. I encourage you to awaken the author within you. Understand life is fragile. We must preserve our dignity by sharing our perspective.
I remember a guy I met in DC - a stranger - put the moves on me. I predicted he would attempt to rape me. I struggled to free myself from his clutches. I feared he would resort to violence to get what he wanted. I will never fully understand the desires of a man. As a black woman, I realize that the myth is that people of color are hyper sexual. The white guy who accosted me said only this, “Close your eyes.” Then, he tried to kiss me. I assure you now my eyes are open. I learned not to trust everyone who walked by me. Trust is earned.
Have you heard this joke? Once upon a time, Africans had the land and Europeans had the Bible. The Europeans visited Africa and said to the dark-skinned residents, “Close your eyes.” Now Europeans have the land and Africans have the Bible.
Once upon a time, I imagined a world that was fair where harm was absent. I’ve read the Bible and Qur’an for the most part in English. I have a basic understanding of Hebrew, Greek, and Arabic. I can sound out the letters and quote a few verses in the original written languages. But who could prepare me for this: to stand face-to-face with someone who would alter my destiny?
The most important conversation you’ll ever have is between you and God. You can discuss anything. You can study any subject and ask any question. You can seek guidance or submit prayers. You can find favor.
I don’t remember much about the guy from DC - just that he degraded me. I’ve recovered. My hope is that no one else is put in the same position I was. I lived through my fears. I extricated myself from the hands of a villain, but the world is more difficult to traverse now. I am more cautious. I want to avoid being a victim.
There’s a saying that God does not burden a soul with more than it can bear (Qur’an 2:286). I am strong. I am wise. But part of me died that day in DC. The innocent, fun-loving princess who had the respect of intelligent men and women disappeared. I did not recognize myself in the mirror. I became a minor character in someone else’s story. It was a tragedy. It was a case of good versus evil. Good triumphs in the end, but as the economist, John Maynard Keynes, said, “In the long-run, we are all dead.”
I survived this debacle, and I am alive today. I pray that God forgives me for not fighting back the enemy with greater strength. I regret being passive and listening to the whispers of the devil. In the interaction on the streets of DC, God protected me from being raped. I am grateful. Sexual assault is rampant, especially in urban centers. I wish I had punched the perpetrator and left him unconscious. How dare he tell me to close my eyes! Don’t blindly hold the devil’s hand through a situation. Instead, trust God and tightly grasp His mercy and grace. “…Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7). I stood my ground and eventually he got the message. My integrity will not be compromised. I will speak. I will fly! Like an eagle above the storm, I have found a new calm.
There now. That wasn’t so bad. Now you know that there is life after death. Something inside me died the day that I was tested - my naïveté, but a new flower rose up in its place displaying heroic courage and infinite love. I love God for providing a way out of harm. I will always have Him to keep me safe. He’s the only one who will never walk away.
Best,
Yeru
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