“The best mirror is an old friend,” according to a well-known proverb. The beauty in that statement is that an old friend is not our exact mirror image, (conservatives and liberals can befriend each other), but an old friend knows us well enough to reflect us back to us the way a skilled therapist would.
I appreciate old friends. When we go to them for advice, we are rarely disappointed. They encourage us and see the best in us. They help us see the best in ourselves. Relationships last when there is trust and a sense of belonging. Old friends are loyal and heartening.
It doesn’t mean you talk every day, but when you do talk, it’s enlightening. Old friends watch you grow over time and point out your good traits. They don’t harp on your flaws. They listen to understand without just waiting for their turn to speak.
What happens when a friend provides a mirror for us and we don’t like what we see? Is it the friend’s fault? Not always. Some people don’t want to see themselves portrayed in certain ways no matter how realistic. If, for example, a friend asks why we’ve lost weight, whether the weight loss was intentional or not, and if a friend is curious about our weight loss journey in general, this is usually a welcome line of questioning. If we’ve made positive changes, it’s important to be honest, so that we can share our life story with the hope of being a positive influence. However, if a friend asks why we keep attracting the same harmful, negative relationship pattern, the friend may take offense, because it may strike a nerve. It’s as if we’re blaming the victim, because we’re pointing to the same common denominator in their relationships. Yet, this realization can be a mercy. It’s important to care from the depths of our being and not love superficially.
How have we played a role in our suffering? Are we complicit? Maybe we want something that seems out of reach. If we cannot attain something in our own strength, why not ask God for wisdom and discernment? Should we approach the ruler of the universe for the freedom to choose a mate, or should we go to the King and ask Him to choose for us? It’s really possible. God can say yes or no in our lives. He is powerful. He wants to be involved in our lives. There’s a Hasidic proverb that states humans are God’s language. We should pay attention to who walks in and out of our lives. If you’re blessed to have old friends who remind you who you are and Whose you are, you’re in a healthy, happy situation.
So, when you’re faced with difficult obstacles in life, go to God first, and then rely on friends you know well, friends whom you trust. Look carefully into your heart, mind, and soul for answers to questions. Look at what you’re doing in the equation. Are you setting yourself up to fail? Be mindful of the path you’re on and who’s on it with you. You deserve the best in life. I wish you happiness and success in this life and the next.
Blessings,
Yeru
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